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I don’t think a day has gone by without me thinking of my ex-boyfriend. It’s been one month and one day (who’s counting?) since I ended it. I still miss him. I continually think of him, what is he doing? Is he thinking of me? Why did he have to come into my life at the time that he did? Why couldnt it be at a later time, say 6 months from now, that we could have met? So many questions and thoughts running through my head.

My friend told me today “The way you two met was the most romantic chance meeting, it’s like fate” I met him whilst checking my mail box. Who meets at a mailbox?

I’ve not felt something uniquely special for someone, since my ex-husband, until I met him and I really felt as though he was ‘the one’. I had been in a one year relationship previous to him and didn’t feel the same way. I knew I could have never have loved that one. But this man (Mr G), from the start I was drawn to him. I recall one night telling him “I can’t explain why I like you so much, I just don’t have words for it” and he replied “I know exactly what you mean” Had he not had so many issues, we would’ve still been together.

At times I feel as though I am destined to be alone in this world. At times I think I will get used to living alone that I may never be able to adjust again for someone. These thoughts are scary. Today I admitted finally to the same friend as above “I am beginning to be fussy” her reply “You’ve every right to as you’ve been through hell” Will my fussiness stop me from potentially giving someone a chance?

I don’t think break-ups would be so easy for me if I didn’t have my wonderful little boy, he occupies my time with wonderful little innocence, but even he is affected by my recent break-up. The other day he asked me “Mum, when will we see Mr G again?” I didn’t know what to say as I’ve already explained to him the situation. I wonder if Mr G’s kids have asked him about us?

I’ve seen him a couple of times now in the distance, this was bound to happen living in such close proximity to each other. I saw his friend at the charity event I went to on Friday night, I purposely didn’t say hello as the chances of Mr G being a point of topic was high. She must have recognised me as she was looking at me for a while. I hope she told him she saw me. Though I know I will keep seeing him from a distance, my gut is telling me he will be back in my life in the future at some point but to what degree.

I was asked will I ever consider going back to him, my response without hesitation was and is this “Yes I would, but only if he fixes all his issues and genuinely wants me to be in his life again, of course pending I am not already in a relationship” I will not wait for him, but I do wish we were together.

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