Life just simply isn’t fair.
Since my divorce, approximately 4.5 years ago, I’ve been careful with whom I choose to date. Up until Mr G I was doing quite good. I was in control of all my relationships that I had (long or short, oh and not too many) and found it easy to move on when I needed to.
When Mr G entered my life, I wasn’t seeking a relationship, but somehow he managed to start one with me.
He has gotten under my skin, and burrowed himself deep into my core. I wasn’t expecting him to arrive into my life the way he did (another blog entry) We’ve known each other now for 18 months now of which we were in a relationship of eight months. Those eight months were mostly heaven. From the start I was comfortable around him, as if I knew him all my life, we were (and are) compatible. I’ve never said the three words to him, but at one point it was always on the tip of my tongue, but it was as if deep down I knew I shouldn’t be saying it because of something. I remember at one point I would sit and stare at him (he would do the same) and be silently saying “I love you” I would open my mouth to say it, every inch of my body wanted to but then something kept me from actually confessing my feelings. I was afraid. Afraid of losing him, it’s like I anticipated the future. There were times, he would caress my face, looking into my eyes and want to say something but then he stopped. I know he felt the same.
Life is not fair, when you love someone and you can’t be with them. Purely based on life’s timing. I am so certain he will pop into my life again, as I suspect he plans to do so when he is ready. So unfair. I wont wait for him, I can’t put my life on hold and so in the meantime I am hollow. Wishing he was with me forever.