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Since my last entry a lot has happened in my life. I apologise in advance if this entry makes no sense. I just need to write to get off my chest all these emotions. It’s fair to say that I’ve had a crush on one of my clients now for years. In fact he has been my one and only client crush ever. About 3 months ago I went to lunch with him and got on famously. He is the General Manager of a fairly large international company and a successful man. He is also the only client to ever intimidate me ever over the years; I’ve known him now for about seven years. I find his aura super sexy, his accent, his look, his intelligence, his smile and pretty much everything about him turns me on. This impromptu lunch was the first of its kind between us ever; I learned a little about him personally and he learned a lot about me. From then we began emailing back and forth first it was a couple of times a week and then it became every day, hour and then continuously. I knew he was older than me but I was hoping for no more than 15 years, I knew he had kids, older kids, that he was divorced and that he is very involved with his work. He is the brainchild of his work. In the beginning after we met for lunch he asked me twice to meet him again for coffee at his office and twice I told him to let know when his busy schedule would allow for me, he replied “I always have time for you”. He never once revealed his age and now that 12 weeks have gone by and I finally got out of him his age. He is 54 and I am 32. Dilemma. (I was in so much shock reading his age as he looks like he is in his early 40s). Then as I kept reading his long email this morning aptly titled “Secrets” I learned that he was living with someone. I think I nearly died reading it. In his email this morning he wrote that he never wanted to lie to me and that he was afraid of telling me his age, as had he done so earlier, he would’ve never have learned how I feel about him. I think it’s fairly cruel for him to do this. I know it takes two to tango, but how could he have let it get this far. I am mortified with myself for several reasons and one is because he is my client and I’ve never fraternised before. I didn’t think he would lie. Despite all of this I miss my blackberry beeping or flashing red telling me I have a message from him. I crave the conversations we have, I’m so attracted to his intelligence and he is so appealing to me in so many ways it baffles me. It’s hard to understand that we went from emailing basically everyday to now nothing since this morning. I’m angry with him, but how do I tell a client that he is an arse and that I want to slap him. Why do I always get fucked over?

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