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This weekend proved to be wonderful. Full of memories.

Friday night I ended up on a date with a man that I had been delaying for a year. I can’t believe how much he persevered.  If I were him I would’ve given up. He surprised me, taking me out to The Rocks Teppinyaki by Kobe Jones for dinner and then dancing and drinks at the Establishment.  It’s like he said though, he has three left feet, but we still managed to have fun. He is a catch, 38, next in line to head up an internationally listed company and intelligent, about to embark on a MBA. Some will definitely find him attractive but I am not part of that some. I just don’t feel the spark. He does not give me that excitement I should feel when kissing someone. I did kiss him towards the end of the night, but it did nothing.  I felt terrible he was more into it than I. He is very much a gentleman when he is with me, though I can see that he isn’t tolerant to most.
It was around 3.30am and I was stuck on George St trying to find a cab that wold take me home, after around 6 attempts I knew it was hopeless.  So I ended staying at his hotel, and in true gentleman fashion he didn’t try a thing. I was impressed. The next  morning we laid in bed, he held me and started caressing me on my chest over the his tee shirt he so kindly let me borrow to sleep in. It was nice to be held like that, ordinarily I would’ve never have allowed to be touched like that, but it was soothing and non creepy. I ended up wrapping my body around him, I missed being with someone, I could feel the shape of his penis under my leg. He is a well endowed man. Pity I am not interested. But I don’t know if I am not interested because I can’t stop thinking of the other man. It’s not fair.
On Sunday I ended up on a date with the other man, the older and taken man. I agreed to meet with him as I felt the need to clear the air between us. Mainly because I felt juvenile and that he is also a business client of mine. I recall arriving at Opera Bar, such a picturesque location of Sydney Harbour, and being in a nervous state. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. A state I haven’t been in since high school. I couldn’t believe that after three months of emailing, all the revelations that happened between us throughout the week, we were finally meeting. I was so so nervous. It was just after 12.30pm and I saw him walking toward me. My level of nervousness shot up another level.
He kissed me on the cheek, an awkward kiss where we both didn’t really know where to plant the kiss. We began small chitchat, he ordered our lunch and then I began the business of what made be there in the first place. “So” I said in a cracked voice, his green eyes staring at my face. “Shall I go first, or shall you” we began discussing what had happened between us on email, I recall a few times burying my face in my hands, whilst he peered at me.  He blushed several times explaining he has never been in this situation. Nor had I. We talked and talked and talked and it was wonderful. I kept catching myself staring at him. I didn’t mean to, but I am so deeply intrigued by him, his intelligence, his stories, life, face, background. Basically everything. I am in awe of him. H asked me why it was that I never asked about her, his partner, I replied point blank “I don’t care about her”. He said and that is part of the reason he is drawn to me because I am in so control. But that’s just it i am not in control of this situation with him at all. I felt out of control and juvenile.
I hated this whole situation. He was 21 years my senior. He explained that had he been 10 years younger or I be 10 years older he would’ve changed his life to be with me. I nearly melted, a successful man like him wanting to be with me. He would’ve pursued me until he got me to the first date and then made sure it was on from there. I wanted so desperately then to have the power to make one wish, to be able to be with him, I still want this wish.
We ended up walking through to Lady Macquarie’s chair in the Botanical Gardens, we sat on the grass for hours, watching the ship Voyager of the Seas leave the harbour, the clouds turn into shapes, couples kissing and all the while I wished I was his. We talked for hours, never an awkward moment, we walked back to the kiosk at the Opera House ordered coffee and sat for another couple of hours chatting. Finally at 7.30pm I told him I had to go.
I dropped him off to his car, I gave him a hug and he asked for a kiss on the lips, it was a quick kiss, but a nicely planted one. I am torn, he is in a relationship and I would hate to be her, but I also want to know what it is like to be with him, to have him for one night. So far I am thinking if resisting. It is best to stay this way inclined as it a very dangerous situation.
He emailed me afterwards stating he wished the day never had to end, I replied I felt the same way. It was a perfect afternoon, and. Realised even more so the next morning how perfect it was as I couldn’t get it out of my head.